“What am I doing with my life?”
“Is this the life that I always wanted?”
“I am done living this mundane boring life. I want to be ME?”
“Don’t I deserve a better job, better spouse and a better living?”
“Why this happened with me?”
“Is this relationship nurturing me?”
“I want to restart my career?”
“I want to live FREE ?”
Are These Questions Running Deep Inside Your Mind Too?
Don’t Worry! You are not alone:)
Let me take you to a life journey of a very commonly found girl. She could be the one sitting next to you in your office or may be the spark plug of your Girlie Gang, your life partner or maybe the silent sheep of your team or she can simply be YOU.
Aditi 40, a freelance writer by profession and a stay at home mom by choice. Twelve years into a happy marriage and two kids spreading their wings. She chose to quit her high flying career to become a care provider and give quality time to her family. Life was smooth with few ups and downs. She was a happy go lucky soul. But suddenly things started changing for her; not from outside; but from within her. The soul yearning for something; she couldn’t put her finger on. It felt as though all the colors started turning into shades of grey. It wasn’t depression but unrest was rolling over. A gentle awakening, questions like “What would happen in future?”; “Am I going to spend my life like this only?”; “What is my individuality?”; “Am I attractive enough?” started cropping. Unusual uneasiness and a force of unmatched expectations were hovering around her head all the time. It did not come from sky but it grew within her over time.
Some people might call it Mid- Life crises, period of doubt about self identity and conflicting self confidence.
“What If” We Rephrase It As “Mid-life Launch pad”.
If you are going through this blog, it’s the time
- to explore your inner self again
- to re-launch a better version of yourself
- to start living for self, creating your own new story
It’s a new wave that will take you to new heights. You just have to brace yourself to take a big leap and consider the low as a preparatory time to reach a new peak. As a life coach I would like to emphasize, it is important to know about these signs and symptoms as accepting and admitting it; is first and foremost step to get control of this phase:
Mid-Life Crises Signs & Symptoms
1.Making a permanent decision for your temporary emotion
Making rash decisions unlike of your personality, relationships is one of the major indicators of this phase. It can be as general as splurging money on impulsive shopping or doing investments more than your pocket permits or as major as thinking your marriage is not as romantic as you thought it to be or your job is not fulfilling anymore.
2.Mirror-mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all
Have you noticed someone suddenly becoming very conscious about their looks? Buying clothes to fit into the so called modern world, worrying about skin and weight, matching or competing with younger generation, looking at mirror again and again, this could be like an alarm that one is getting into swamp of mid- life.I feel to some extent it’s not that problematic however standing in front of mirror for hours and looking at each wrinkle and mark as a bruise of time, is not a great check.
3.Future is foggy and clouds are thick
Many times we stand at the crossroad where we don’t know where the current storm will take us. We find everything hazy and uncertain. Decisions which were looking luring and fruitful in the past are questionable today. Achievements, laurels and stature, that we are proud of or dreamt of; at one time seems too small to be considered as reason for happiness at the other point.
And we are keen to change them to suit our current frame of mind. One should always remember that changes might bring short term happiness but with that it will also do some collateral damages, which could be in form of broken relationships, financial trap, self harm or some irreversible decisions. So before taking any big decision, just think if it isn’t mid- life monster playing his tricks.
4.You think your best years are behind you
We heard people saying; “Schools days were the best days”; “When my child was small, that was the best time”; “My husband and me were so happy earlier”; “My job had so much opportunities earlier now it’s just mundane”. At times our mind can’t see the current happiness but just thinks that whatever is past was the best. Actually we forget the hardships of past and just remember the part we want to remember. I haven’t heard any one saying; “I was beaten by my teachers and bullied by my peers in school days”; “Initial years of marriage were all about adjustments to new environment”; “First job was a pain as I knew nothing about the work and practical and theoretical knowledge were like two shores of river.” But all these are as truer as ones current state of life.
“ Purani jeans aur guitar, mahullae ki wo chat aur mere yaar…” is definitely a beautiful song to reminisce your youth but not to curse the present.
5.Grass looks greener on other side
Whether it is money, fame, beauty, children or relationships we are always lured to what others have.. From far, we can’t see weeds, rodents hidden in the lush green grass. Similarly someone’s glory doesn’t tell you what efforts they have put to achieve it.
As a life coach my awareness helps me to share that one really needs to watch the whole doughnut and not the hole at it’s center.
7 Solutions To Deal With Mid-Life Crises
1.It is what it is, accept it and move on
Foremost step to deal with it is to understand that one is going through this phase. It’s as normal as other phases of life like adolescent, toddler or teenage. It can happen at any age from cradle to grave, so no one other than YOU can identify or judge it. Consider it as a time to embrace what you are unique in. Cultivate your talent rather than your fear and eventually you will rise high with flying colors.
2.Do not curse your past
Once I was listening to a celebrity’s interview in which she stated, “I started writing, books and blogs at the age of 40, as second innings in my career field after trying my luck in other games of life but I wonder where would have I reached if I had started it in my 20s”. Then after taking a long pause she said “ …but then imagine what I would be doing in my 40s?” It’s a food for thought for each one of us especially when we curse our choices of past.
3.Find a listening ear
“We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think.” Many times our mind can see just one direction and is not ready to see even the most obvious things. Two heads are better than one, so confide in someone you trust such as a friend, your partner, a life coach or a trained counselor. Bottling up the feeling could be very hazardous, letting it go or shredding it out from the mind not only gives way to new ideas but also eases out emotionally.
4.Switching off is important to recharge the battery
“Switch Off ” from your routine.Reconnect to your friends & groups from your childhood, school or university or make new friends. Step out, meet & have conversations, spend time in cafes, beaches or hills, walks, run or a stroll. Who will not get rejuvenated chilling with their friends. Revive your creativity, learn a new skill.So switch off from your daily responsibilities and charge yourself with new enthusiasm and maintain your mental health, which is a vital ingredient to a happy life.
5.You are not a topping on the pizza; you are its crust
Being wife of a successful man, mother of a bright child, member of a renowned family can give you name but not satisfaction. Mid- life is a time that gives you feeling of emptiness. So it’s the time to give recognition and appreciation of your contribution in others life. And we don’t need rewards and awards for it; we just need to see in mirror and say to the self that I am happy and my life is what I want it to be.
6.Don’t let “GUILT” be the predator
It is easy for us to fall in the trap of the emotion called ‘Guilt” which comes in manifolds; guilt of not supporting parents, not spending time with child because of work, not choosing the right career, not taking care of your own self, not continuing job, not supporting family financially. I am sure each one of us can form our own list. Guilt can make one self punish and the research shows that it is not the best way to motivate one to act better or feel better in the future.
7.Create a new chapter-Think,Choose,Learn, Act,Transform
Many times we exclude ourselves from the world; thinking about our inabilities and fear of showing our hidden self. With zillions of voices outside, it’s important to listen to the whisper our heart is making. It is imperative to play out of character, at times. If you feeling stuck, rewire & transform.
Take it easy, one step at a time. Think, gather all your strength, learn new skills, empower your knowledge and decide to refresh & transform your life as you want it for you. We all have the capacity & strength to re-create. Love for living, belief & action will help you create a life of your choice.
For sure, this newness will bring fresh scenes to the film of your life and you will feel amazing & proud to live your block buster story.
Love & Joy To You!